My horse, Herz, is twenty-nine years old. He has a chronic right front suspensory injury, it is one of the primary reasons he is retired. It is a spring ritual for him to take a romp and to re-injure it. Today was that day.
I told Herz how sorry I was that he was in pain and that his structural issues had led to his relatively early retirement. I said to him how glad I was that he is in such good health otherwise. I sat down beside him on a stool with my hands on the swelling to assist with the heat and pain. In the early years, I had learned how to apply healing skills to horses by practicing on him. Later on, because of our close relationship, it became nearly impossible for me to work on him.
Feeling inadequate, I did what I do best – simply loving him. Acknowledging this, I leaned forward and kissed him on his upper leg. He turned his head towards me, reached down and tenderly nuzzled me on my neck. The twenty-five years of love between us was deep and palatable. Contained within those seemingly few moments was a powerful gift of healing.
I found it incredibly sad that I couldn’t help Kole more. I could help him with some things…balancing him made him move better, draining off energy made pain less; but I couldn’t help him with what ultimately led to his death. I questioned whether I had ever helped him or any other horse, human or dog I worked on. I didn’t do much healing in the months after his death.
I don’t know if it was because we became so close that I couldn’t help him or because he was in the midst of something that was beyond my skill level (or anyone’s). I just know how sad it made me to not be able to help him.
I have helped other horses and dogs since then. I have more confidence in my ability and I hope the wisdom to know that there are somethings that I can do and some I can’t…no matter how dearly I want to.
IT is the love for our horses that calls us to be better healers and that love is never lost nor wasted. Have faith in the many gifts you gave to Kole and the difference you made to his life.
Ginger , This brought me to tears .
Thank you for listening.
How wonderful to have had such a loving bond together. And to know that you were able to be an intricate part of your buddy’s healing.Sending warm hugs your way.
Thanks Marcia, the human-animal bond is a powerful one!